Email 1
Ho ho ho and happy holidays from your child’s summer camp! We know you’re probably busy decking the halls, preparing to host Christmas for 14 people, and art directing increasingly elaborate scenarios for your Elf on the Shelf, but we just couldn’t wait to share this special savings with you!

We decided to kick off early-bird camp registration ONE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS because we know there’s nothing you’d rather do at this very moment than shove all those unwrapped presents back in the closet and painstakingly plan out what activities you’d like your children to participate in seven months from now. Don’t worry about the three weeks worth of work you’re scrambling to finish before the holiday or the fact that you still haven’t baked cookies with your children like you’ve been promising! What you should be worrying about is missing out on these 2019 rates!

Email 2
You’ve been hemorrhaging money all season long; what’s a few grand more? Register now!

Email 3
The clock is ticking, and not just down to midnight! As of tomorrow, you’ll have just ONE MONTH LEFT to take advantage of our early-bird rates! Why not get on it tonight? We know you don’t have New Year’s Eve plans—you’re a 44-year-old mom with two young children! Your only “plan” for tonight is to fall asleep on the couch after watching like 20 minutes of “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest.” And you and your husband will spend those 20 minutes not knowing who any of the musical performers are.

Email 4
Sessions are filling up fast! That means there are parents out there who have their shit together and you are not one of them.

Email 5
You probably haven’t even figured out spring break yet, have you?

Email 6
Look, it’s not that hard. All you have to do is shake off the seasonal affective disorder that’s slowly but surely descending upon you like snow piling up on a frozen dog turd, and THINK SUMMER!! Be sure to make choices based on things your kid is interested in now but definitely won’t be by the time June rolls around. What are you waiting for!?

Email 7
Why not ask your husband to take care of summer camp planning this year? Hahaha JK!

Email 8
TICK-TOCK, BITCHES!

Email 9
It’s cool, we get it. You’re thinking it would be nice to keep the kids home this summer and spare them from the over-scheduled existence we subject them to throughout the school year. Boredom is good for kids, right? You never went to summer camp when you were a kid—you happily played outside all day with your friends, riding bikes and swimming and jumping rope and stuff. You want these things for your children, too. And you want to spend time with them. LOTS of time. Don’t worry—you can totally get your work done while they’re around; they’re so good at entertaining themselves and not demanding things of you every two minutes.

Email 10
Thanks so much for registering! We know it’s going to be a great summer!!